The theme to Winter Sonata, for example, really does not conjure images of happy fairies prancing carefree, streamers in their hair waving turquoise in the soft breeze, dancing their rain dances in a bug-free forest. Images thrown into the subconscious silver screen may include cool tears rolling drop by drop in a painfully slow manner ceaselessly down the pale porcelain cheek of Yujin-na, female protagonist in said series.
Another song, You’re Not Here by Leehom Wong, sung in Mandarin in his almost plaintive tones, calls to mind a lonely evening spent staring out the window into the humid Hong Kong haze, wondering where my soul was hiding as renegade strands of smoke curled past the window frame to coalesce into the mist outside, already heavy with the stubbed out whorls of pensive smokers contemplating the night.
Drops of Jupiter by Train is the most upbeat yet, and I do feel that it fits in an ironic way. I needed a soul vacation since January 2003 but I never took one. That song reminds me of perhaps what I should have done, instead of filling my life chockfull of new stresses and complications to force out the need of dwelling on that minor chord reverberating relentlessly at my core.
I thought I was happy. Or perhaps, I kept myself busy with happy thoughts and lively activities so as to drown out the low murmurs of my soul’s melancholic discourse. The main problem was exhaustion. I think I was chronically tired from the lack of sleep built up since early 2003. I was tired of waking up every morning to the same nightmare that was my reality. Tired of going to bed knowing that I’d have to wake up to that dead feeling at the pit of my stomach again in the morning. Then awareness slipslided into general anesthesia and I effectively shelved my pain and neglected my grief, except I called it “moving on”. But was I moving on? Not really. I felt that same frozen sensation, where the habitat of your soul has transformed from a cozy duraflame lit, chenille thrown living room into the tiled, antiseptic waiting room of another body storage facility, be it hospital or morgue. Subzero temperatures required to retain the integrity of the body the soul’s left behind. Subzero temperatures holding me hostage in a moment of time I didn’t want to leave behind.
So that was 2004. One random experience after another, setting up a chain of completely unrelated incidents that made up my path of progress, juxtaposed by a chain of completely unrelated literature that made up my means of escape. I read a lot of books in 2004. Must have been 15-20 books I read. Almost all escapist in nature. And all that reading time was facilitated by my physical hopping around as well, traveling almost every single month out of the year either for personal or business reasons. Creating artificial pockets of alone time where I could curl up as best as economy class would allow and throw myself into an airplane featured movie or another complicated plot novel by Dan Brown.
My most prized accomplishment in 2004? The friendships that I’ve made, hands down, no doubt about that at all. I have made ten lifetimes of friendships in the past two years, and 2004 didn’t disappoint, with so many people that I am so lucky to have in my life. The million and one weddings. And two babies to top it off.
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Moments to remember...
January - Started the year off with the Jacknife Sugartruck gig at Amnesia on January 10th, playing the part of um…a 25 year old Avril Lavigne. Finally fulfilled dream of being a rockstar, can close that chapter now. Back to LA for Ryan’s first year anniversary. Decided in feverish state that it was time to leave LMN and look for less yellow pastures…thus leading me to the skittish frenzy of Finance.
February - Mellow, the hyperactive shih tzu, comes into my life, ringworm and all.
March - started a new job in finance, beginning of my friendship with St Barbara on the Chair day. Matt passes through town on his way to meet Sai Baba.
April - Best memory – In the Mood For Love party on Saturday, April 17. 40 or so close friends all decked out in 1962 gear for a memorable Chinese banquet. Jeremy with his mustache, Alan with his glass-less spectacles, Wilson with his comb over, Matt with his wig that everyone thought was real, Chris with his Afro, and all the beautiful cheung-sams on all the lovely ladies. So much love around the room. Cohibas at Peak Lookout with Brad and Eric.
May - Rememories 2003 published. June gets married!
June - Jenn's Taipei reception and Ros’ wedding at the St Regis Monarch Resort in Dana Point.
July - my brother and Trici get married on the 3rd. Anne’s wedding reception at the Grand Hyatt on July 11th.
August - Marc passes through town and we spend some quality time talking about everything. Tokyo for my first IPO drafting session, aka the Lost in Translation meetings.
September - Missed Kathryn’s wedding in Jackson Hole. :(
October - Missed Dave's wedding in North Carolina on the 9th. IPO in Tokyo. Once Upon a Halloween Eve party as the Fallen Angel Burning in Hell.
November - Totally depressing start of the month with Bush reelected on the 2nd. Excellent performance of Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition amongst other pieces by UBS Youth Orchestra with a very pregnant Connie. Namkungs visit and have their terrible accident with the speakers at Grappa’s at Jardine House. Hawaii for Yidrienne’s wedding. MIT Sports Day with Rach, Sooly, Ed, Jean, Eliza, Mark, Julie, Kyle et al...woohoo!!
December - (Charlotte/NYC/Capetown) Xmas Eve Housewarming Toaster on the 24th at my house. Ed and Sooly’s with Rachel for Xmas dinner. Capetown for Helen’s wedding. And two babies born - Michael to Ros and Kurt, and Ashley to Connie and Tom.
