Unknown - a song

Unknown

you ask me what can you do
you tell me you haven't got a clue
you send me a cut of your heart
a slice of your soul as you depart
what's it supposed to mean to me
i'm not the one to set you free

you're too afraid of the unknown
to know what you already know
open your eyes but it's your call to see
what your future's meant to be
it's not about falling into "we"
and it's not about me

so are you doing your part
or playing the part

you're turning to leave
and trying to believe
you're part of a whole
leaving behind your soul
and a gift of chords
cutting into me like swords

i'm turning to leave
and i try to believe
you're part of a whole
not leaving behind your soul
i don't want another line
i'm tired of seeing signs
>

but i got myself here
let you in too near
open heart and open wings
never know what tomorrow brings
nevermind another day alone
not afraid to stand on my own

it's not about me or you and me
i'm just a mirror for who you could be
no angel

(a song in need of a tune)
*06dec03*

Thoughts - a fragment

i have a million thoughts rushing through this swimming consciousness, bordering on madness
and the streams flow, crisscross, connect, contradict eachother - a million revisions, decisions, indecisions

and i hear all these voices, suggesting, negotiating, placating - all forcing rationalization where none can be had

because what we are dealing with here is emotion, an everpresent web of unconscious and conscious sensory overload

there is no sense in emotion, no stillness, just constant motion charging your fingertips, challenging your heart to withstand it all, telling your brain to shut up - youre just a bystander, step aside

Bottled Prayers - a poem

Bottled Prayers

why do i feel this way,
bottled and corked with an expiry date ahead,
thoughts of you peering through smoked glass
forlorn and trapped within things unsaid.

soon to be pruned and withered,
gasping for oxygen, heaving to be heard,
nothing escapes, not a mote of smouldering ash
that in another lifetime were thoughts of you.

so how shall i proceed, how shall i continue?

staunch these errant proceedings of my mind,
nick these curdling swirls in the nick of time,
siphon them helpless, muzzled and holed,
a million bottles in the basement of my soul.

for you are no longer,
and though thought persists,
my thoughts should not be of you,
forever you.

and in the twilight, still, oh so still,
even the tremblings cease,
a million thoughts brought to their knees
praying a hundred prayers for peace,
and a hundred for release...

*25nov03*

Holding On - a song

Holding On

It's been 111 days since you last smiled at me
Scenes fade in and out, skies change incessantly
And I stand, still, waiting, waiting for you
To turn the corner, come around, the way you used to do

They tell me I'll never see you again
But who are they to know
They tell me time will make amends
But they just don't know

How it only took a whisper
To reach you in the night
Just sitting side by side with you
Made everything alright
In the living room, slow dancing
The world around dissolved
And our hearts beat against each other
As the stars above revolved

But that was then, and now, well, I am
Shouting at the sea, writing in the sand
Talking to the clouds, holding out my hand
But nothing comes, nothing in return
Silence weighs, and the hands turn

They tell me I'll never see you again
But who are they to know
They tell me time will make amends
But you see, they just don't know

How it only took a moment
To realize you're the one
Laughing with each other
Our fears soon came undone
What I'd never dared to dream for
You brought into my world
And with every passing minute
Our life together unfurled

But that was then, and now, well, now I am
Searching in the dark, feeling for a line
Crying out your name, looking for a sign
But no one comes, no one in return
My heart waits, and the tears burn

But have I missed the point,
Missed the signs while missing you?
Finding something to hold on to,
When I should be letting go of holding on to you?

No, I don't think so.

(a song in need of a tune)
*13may03*

Technicolor Dream - a poem

Technicolor Dream

You smiled and my spirit awoke in technicolor dream
The possibilities, you said,
Are the butterflies swirling and a thousand tones whirling

And I, you said, I am here, love, always
Listen as the waves crash against the wedge
Be still as snails journey across sidewalks

And I, you said, I am here in all ways
As salt winds graze your face, for we are one
As the sun gives you rhythm, we are one

Did you think that I could leave you behind?
The gate is open, love, your heart is free
Take my hand, remember me

But my love, said I,
I kiss your salt winds, dance beneath your sun,
But I tremble before the gate, my love,
And fear how my heart can be without yours

Then, your hand cradled mine, spirit tears fell
And we, you said, we are one, we are free
Just remember, you're never without me

Yellow shells are glinting on opaque sands
Lapis lazuli swells are echoing
My love, search within and be free with me

*02apr03*

Two Months

Two Months

Wring it out, my soul,
Wring it dry of melancholy molasses, oozing gently and unrelenting.
Sticky sweet tears drip drop drip.

Hang it up, my soul.
Hang it up where dark corners lie, where cobwebs threaten softly.
I have done with it.

Can you see?
Threadbare and worn, coarse and frayed where it has dragged along pavements,
It is of no use to me now.

Leave the fall leaves falling, oh, leave me soulless,
If only for awhile,
Until the drip drop stops.

Then give it a spin, whirling dervishes,
Crank the dials, cycle: dry.
Then a coin drops clink and the whirling begins.

Are you there, soul,
Or have you done with me as well, left behind like a lone, holed sock.
Leave me, soul, please

But don't leave me behind.

*22mar03*